Dreams and Meaning

I avoided the work yesterday. Biiiiig resistance to choosing five dreams. I hate committing to a finite number of things. You know those people who have like one big dream, to be a rockstar or a professional athlete or a doctor or a dog trainer? That’s never been me. I have *never* known just one thing I wanted to be or to do. I knew I wanted to get married. I knew I wanted to have children. Because I could do those without excluding a whole lot of other stuff. I don’t have one big dream. I have like 100,000 tiny interests, things I like to do and learn about. Would I want any one of them to be my full-time job? Hell no. If I had one of those kind of burning passion dreams, you know I’d be running it down hard to make it happen. But I really, really don’t. I have things that I’d like to do, I guess. But they’re not long lasting passions. I like to do them. Not really to the exclusion of other things.

Boy, what I could do with 10,000 lives. So many things to do and try and learn.

But look, I chose 5 anyway. Do I feel like, “Yes! These are the five dreams!” I really don’t. They’re things that would be cool. I know I like to do some of them (play music, travel, blog) and some I think would be really fun (have a homestead, write a cookbook).

But if you had asked me last month? One of those dreams might have been “Become a certified professional herbalist.” And a few months before that? “A professional writer.” “Go on a weeklong meditation retreat.” “Train as a yoga instructor.” These are all plausible things for me at one time or another. I wonder what would be on the list if I did it next month?

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And the bigger meaning, the feeling behind my five dreams? Again, I had a long list of possibilities. Learning, creativity, adventure…but I settled on connection.

When I play music, it’s one of the only times I enter into the flow, where I lose track of time and connect with something bigger.

When I travel, I’m creating a connection between myself and a new place – taking in the people, smells, architecture, language, and it expands my world and connects me to it in a very new, concrete way.

When I think about having our own homestead, I think about creating a long-term connection with a place, the land, the house that we own and can repaint or add on to in our own vision. Connecting with a community in a lasting way.

When I blog, what I really want is a connection with you. I want you to say, yes, me too or wow, I hadn’t thought of that, but it makes sense. I want you to see me, and I want to see you. To know that we’re in this together, that we’re not alone.

The cookbook thing? I think I want to do that to share myself, my knowledge, something I love with you. Maybe it’s the latent Italian grandmother in me, but I want you to be nourished, to connect with you through food.

Because isn’t connection what it’s really all about? As I try on this being vulnerable thing more and more, I really think it might. Being human, seeing each other for who we really are, and reaching out our hands despite our perceived differences or the possibility of ridicule. It’s worth the risk, no?

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9 thoughts on “Dreams and Meaning

  1. It does all boil down to connection, huh? Connection to each other, connection to ourselves.

    As an aside, I can totally see you as yoga instructor and writing a cookbook and being a professional writer and… and… and all of it. 🙂 Maybe you are just meant to be a Jill of all Trades 🙂

    So excited to be on this journey together ❤ ❤ ❤ Thank you again for leading the way :*

  2. I’d probably have written a different set of five if I’d written them earlier that day. And the next day gives me a different set of five. (Though a few of my dreams are constant, I express them differently.)

    I identified the feeling between mine as “supported.” At first I thought “belonging” but I already have that, I feel like I need to dig in deeper to that belongingness (and allow myself to be supported by it).

    • I’m glad I’m not the only one with capricious dreams!

      I love the idea of belonging and being supported – and I can see the difficulty in accepting the support versus working myself on belonging – it is so hard to receive, and sometimes hard to believe that we are worthy of the offering. ❤

  3. Ah yes… I find myself in this same boat! In my lifetime I can think of countless dreams I’ve had… Sometimes I find that it’s difficult when you see the world with so much possibility to narrow down and focus on anything! I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life now that I’ve taken off time to raise my son and there are soooo many options and things I love!

  4. Oh hell. I have too many ideas to even make a list anymore. I dabble and when something loses my interest, I move on. Try it all, a bit at a time!

  5. I’ve been meaning to reply to this for so long. I focus so much on connection too. I had to share – one of my favorite authors from high school was E.M. Forster. 🙂 Howard’s End starts with “Only connect.” I think it is what brings meaning to our work. I can really identify with this post.

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